Monday, 18 July 2011
Sunday, 17 July 2011
my own study
Around which of my centres or brains does my whole life rotate as if that brain or centre were my Sun? Into which one is all my attention and energy dragged almost as if by gravity?
I do not know, and I do not want any answers, nor do I want to pretend that it is something that I, or some fantastic part of me, an it, 'thinks' it 'should' be.
How can I approach my own question impartially (always assuming that I have the faintest idea what that means) and without an assumed answer, how can I find out for_a_fact? Can I find out?
How would I begin such a study? And how not to let it turn into an intellectual exercise or another form of talking to myself? I don't know how to, or what it would mean to, deepen my question.
Instinctively I sense that some part of me imagines that it already knows the what we call, and shy away from, answer.
I sense that I can learn more from asking the question than answering it – not that I remotely want to.
I do not know, and I do not want any answers, nor do I want to pretend that it is something that I, or some fantastic part of me, an it, 'thinks' it 'should' be.
How can I approach my own question impartially (always assuming that I have the faintest idea what that means) and without an assumed answer, how can I find out for_a_fact? Can I find out?
How would I begin such a study? And how not to let it turn into an intellectual exercise or another form of talking to myself? I don't know how to, or what it would mean to, deepen my question.
Instinctively I sense that some part of me imagines that it already knows the what we call, and shy away from, answer.
I sense that I can learn more from asking the question than answering it – not that I remotely want to.
from inside a question by Henriette Lannes
what I am searching for is not quite impossible
Only by coming back, experiencing, can I see that what I am searching for is not quite impossible. I may receive it. But very very often it does not come the way I expect it, because I don't know how to search. I don't know how to be, I don't know how to preferred being, the effort to be. To go towards that instead of where I go generally, to that level of things, the managing I am this or that, of dreaming, of sleep. And is a miracle that I have that strange transformation of energy in myself.
However, if I need it it can be proved to be given by some part of me that is sufficiently real. That part can show me it is that at any moment of my life, but sometimes it is more far out of reach them that tune or the Sun! Is there however, and I never lose courage. Little by little that strange situation becomes clearer. I know that I belong to the world of sleep, but I can be in a different relationship with it. I will not directly blanc belong there like a slave, I think, because I will acknowledge more and more my belonging to another order of things, of life, also in myself. I will acknowledge that, it will become for me the absolutely real. Then I begin to be on my way, not belonging entirely to where I have belonged since my early days. It is like opening to another dimension in my life, because fundamentally I AM – and I cannot realise it. When that terrible, empty wish to impress other people takes hold of a man completely it is finished for that man. All it does is to maintain that comedy that we call life. Our only hope is to be desperately sincere with ourselves – only that can save us. Do I see how all my intelligence is being used by demands imposed on mean by the ordinary world? It is a fantastic challenge, in very great thing if I can only persist. Persist and then I will not be swallowed up. I try not to believe too much in other people – they are puppets, just as important as I am. If I spend my life trying to impress them with intelligence, I will never succeed, they will only begrudge it to me!
I want to receive, but to receive I must be rooted in myself. I must be rooted in such a way that I received and are not taken. Mr Gurdjieff used to say "either eat or be eaten". Being on the radio, music, work in my job, a woman… I am eaten, I disappear. Or, to a certain extent I am firm, because my attention is firm. My attention on my wish at something firm. I go towards perfecting my attention, calling more to my wish. Then I can begin to receive a little. I don't go and llegedly with the first solicitation. The situation is reversed for a few seconds – it is not long, but it is real, I have felt it. Then it is a question of finding my way back to a moment so that it also may be real. I open myself to some experiment, live a little in a different way. I try
I am to people. One part can receive, and understand this work – for the rest work has no meaning. I am much more strange than I can imagine. A human being is a cosmos I made a solar energies. I have the energy of the sun in some part. I have an incredible potentiality. But what I call my life does not mean that it all and it attracts my attention.
How to get a better this or that – how to get on with other people in a way that is not difficult – being all the time with this or that thing! I forget I am alive, and one day my life will be taken from me. What does that mean? I have no idea.
These problems are the ones I can begin with. Life comes inside and outside, from the sun. Pardon me could approach these things, catch something of them by moments, but then they are buried like so many other things and I go on my ordinary way of living. If I persist, I may get access to that other part of myself more often. Then I will have to recognise for myself that I'm really two sided and for that and that for a long time the two sides are antagonistic.
Only by coming back, experiencing, can I see that what I am searching for is not quite impossible. I may receive it. But very very often it does not come the way I expect it, because I don't know how to search. I don't know how to be, I don't know how to preferred being, the effort to be. To go towards that instead of where I go generally, to that level of things, the managing I am this or that, of dreaming, of sleep. And is a miracle that I have that strange transformation of energy in myself.
However, if I need it it can be proved to be given by some part of me that is sufficiently real. That part can show me it is that at any moment of my life, but sometimes it is more far out of reach them that tune or the Sun! Is there however, and I never lose courage. Little by little that strange situation becomes clearer. I know that I belong to the world of sleep, but I can be in a different relationship with it. I will not directly blanc belong there like a slave, I think, because I will acknowledge more and more my belonging to another order of things, of life, also in myself. I will acknowledge that, it will become for me the absolutely real. Then I begin to be on my way, not belonging entirely to where I have belonged since my early days. It is like opening to another dimension in my life, because fundamentally I AM – and I cannot realise it. When that terrible, empty wish to impress other people takes hold of a man completely it is finished for that man. All it does is to maintain that comedy that we call life. Our only hope is to be desperately sincere with ourselves – only that can save us. Do I see how all my intelligence is being used by demands imposed on mean by the ordinary world? It is a fantastic challenge, in very great thing if I can only persist. Persist and then I will not be swallowed up. I try not to believe too much in other people – they are puppets, just as important as I am. If I spend my life trying to impress them with intelligence, I will never succeed, they will only begrudge it to me!
I want to receive, but to receive I must be rooted in myself. I must be rooted in such a way that I received and are not taken. Mr Gurdjieff used to say "either eat or be eaten". Being on the radio, music, work in my job, a woman… I am eaten, I disappear. Or, to a certain extent I am firm, because my attention is firm. My attention on my wish at something firm. I go towards perfecting my attention, calling more to my wish. Then I can begin to receive a little. I don't go and llegedly with the first solicitation. The situation is reversed for a few seconds – it is not long, but it is real, I have felt it. Then it is a question of finding my way back to a moment so that it also may be real. I open myself to some experiment, live a little in a different way. I try
I am to people. One part can receive, and understand this work – for the rest work has no meaning. I am much more strange than I can imagine. A human being is a cosmos I made a solar energies. I have the energy of the sun in some part. I have an incredible potentiality. But what I call my life does not mean that it all and it attracts my attention.
How to get a better this or that – how to get on with other people in a way that is not difficult – being all the time with this or that thing! I forget I am alive, and one day my life will be taken from me. What does that mean? I have no idea.
These problems are the ones I can begin with. Life comes inside and outside, from the sun. Pardon me could approach these things, catch something of them by moments, but then they are buried like so many other things and I go on my ordinary way of living. If I persist, I may get access to that other part of myself more often. Then I will have to recognise for myself that I'm really two sided and for that and that for a long time the two sides are antagonistic.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
the story of the Buddha and the monkey
once upon a time, the Buddha was meditating under a tree when monkey came along, feeling very full of himself. He swaggered up to the Buddha and said "I the monkey and Lord of the universe" however, the Buddha said absolutely nothing.
Annoyed by the imperturbable silence of the Buddha monkey said, "I will prove it to you by jumping to the end of the universe"
The Buddha, however, maintained his imperturbable silence, so the monkey annoyed bunched himself up and jumped as high as he possibly could, up and up. He went for what seemed like forever.
Suddenly he landed with a thump in front of four great pillars. "Aha said monkey to himself. This must be the end of the universe", so monkey being a little vandal took out his pencil and scrawled at the bottom of one of these great pillars. "I the monkey am Lord of the universe". Having done this he bunched himself up and jumped up and up and up. Up and up and up he went and then down and down and down, until he landed with a slump in front of the Buddha, who was still meditating quietly."there, you see I have jumped to the end of the universe" said monkey and went on to say "I will prove it to you, because what I did was I wrote a special phrase right at the base of one of the pillars at the end of the universe." Again, the Buddha said nothing and continued his imperturbable meditation, except for one thing, opening his hand, he sent to monkey "look". The monkey looked intently at the right hand of the Buddha which the Buddha and open to him, he was not sure, but he thought he could see tiny writing at the base of one of the Buddha's fingers and he really had to screw his little eyes up to see what the writings said, looking very closely he could see that the writings said I the monkey am Lord of the universe.
Annoyed by the imperturbable silence of the Buddha monkey said, "I will prove it to you by jumping to the end of the universe"
The Buddha, however, maintained his imperturbable silence, so the monkey annoyed bunched himself up and jumped as high as he possibly could, up and up. He went for what seemed like forever.
Suddenly he landed with a thump in front of four great pillars. "Aha said monkey to himself. This must be the end of the universe", so monkey being a little vandal took out his pencil and scrawled at the bottom of one of these great pillars. "I the monkey am Lord of the universe". Having done this he bunched himself up and jumped up and up and up. Up and up and up he went and then down and down and down, until he landed with a slump in front of the Buddha, who was still meditating quietly."there, you see I have jumped to the end of the universe" said monkey and went on to say "I will prove it to you, because what I did was I wrote a special phrase right at the base of one of the pillars at the end of the universe." Again, the Buddha said nothing and continued his imperturbable meditation, except for one thing, opening his hand, he sent to monkey "look". The monkey looked intently at the right hand of the Buddha which the Buddha and open to him, he was not sure, but he thought he could see tiny writing at the base of one of the Buddha's fingers and he really had to screw his little eyes up to see what the writings said, looking very closely he could see that the writings said I the monkey am Lord of the universe.
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