what I am searching for is not quite impossible
Only by coming back, experiencing, can I see that what I am searching for is not quite impossible. I may receive it. But very very often it does not come the way I expect it, because I don't know how to search. I don't know how to be, I don't know how to preferred being, the effort to be. To go towards that instead of where I go generally, to that level of things, the managing I am this or that, of dreaming, of sleep. And is a miracle that I have that strange transformation of energy in myself.
However, if I need it it can be proved to be given by some part of me that is sufficiently real. That part can show me it is that at any moment of my life, but sometimes it is more far out of reach them that tune or the Sun! Is there however, and I never lose courage. Little by little that strange situation becomes clearer. I know that I belong to the world of sleep, but I can be in a different relationship with it. I will not directly blanc belong there like a slave, I think, because I will acknowledge more and more my belonging to another order of things, of life, also in myself. I will acknowledge that, it will become for me the absolutely real. Then I begin to be on my way, not belonging entirely to where I have belonged since my early days. It is like opening to another dimension in my life, because fundamentally I AM – and I cannot realise it. When that terrible, empty wish to impress other people takes hold of a man completely it is finished for that man. All it does is to maintain that comedy that we call life. Our only hope is to be desperately sincere with ourselves – only that can save us. Do I see how all my intelligence is being used by demands imposed on mean by the ordinary world? It is a fantastic challenge, in very great thing if I can only persist. Persist and then I will not be swallowed up. I try not to believe too much in other people – they are puppets, just as important as I am. If I spend my life trying to impress them with intelligence, I will never succeed, they will only begrudge it to me!
I want to receive, but to receive I must be rooted in myself. I must be rooted in such a way that I received and are not taken. Mr Gurdjieff used to say "either eat or be eaten". Being on the radio, music, work in my job, a woman… I am eaten, I disappear. Or, to a certain extent I am firm, because my attention is firm. My attention on my wish at something firm. I go towards perfecting my attention, calling more to my wish. Then I can begin to receive a little. I don't go and llegedly with the first solicitation. The situation is reversed for a few seconds – it is not long, but it is real, I have felt it. Then it is a question of finding my way back to a moment so that it also may be real. I open myself to some experiment, live a little in a different way. I try
I am to people. One part can receive, and understand this work – for the rest work has no meaning. I am much more strange than I can imagine. A human being is a cosmos I made a solar energies. I have the energy of the sun in some part. I have an incredible potentiality. But what I call my life does not mean that it all and it attracts my attention.
How to get a better this or that – how to get on with other people in a way that is not difficult – being all the time with this or that thing! I forget I am alive, and one day my life will be taken from me. What does that mean? I have no idea.
These problems are the ones I can begin with. Life comes inside and outside, from the sun. Pardon me could approach these things, catch something of them by moments, but then they are buried like so many other things and I go on my ordinary way of living. If I persist, I may get access to that other part of myself more often. Then I will have to recognise for myself that I'm really two sided and for that and that for a long time the two sides are antagonistic.
Only by coming back, experiencing, can I see that what I am searching for is not quite impossible. I may receive it. But very very often it does not come the way I expect it, because I don't know how to search. I don't know how to be, I don't know how to preferred being, the effort to be. To go towards that instead of where I go generally, to that level of things, the managing I am this or that, of dreaming, of sleep. And is a miracle that I have that strange transformation of energy in myself.
However, if I need it it can be proved to be given by some part of me that is sufficiently real. That part can show me it is that at any moment of my life, but sometimes it is more far out of reach them that tune or the Sun! Is there however, and I never lose courage. Little by little that strange situation becomes clearer. I know that I belong to the world of sleep, but I can be in a different relationship with it. I will not directly blanc belong there like a slave, I think, because I will acknowledge more and more my belonging to another order of things, of life, also in myself. I will acknowledge that, it will become for me the absolutely real. Then I begin to be on my way, not belonging entirely to where I have belonged since my early days. It is like opening to another dimension in my life, because fundamentally I AM – and I cannot realise it. When that terrible, empty wish to impress other people takes hold of a man completely it is finished for that man. All it does is to maintain that comedy that we call life. Our only hope is to be desperately sincere with ourselves – only that can save us. Do I see how all my intelligence is being used by demands imposed on mean by the ordinary world? It is a fantastic challenge, in very great thing if I can only persist. Persist and then I will not be swallowed up. I try not to believe too much in other people – they are puppets, just as important as I am. If I spend my life trying to impress them with intelligence, I will never succeed, they will only begrudge it to me!
I want to receive, but to receive I must be rooted in myself. I must be rooted in such a way that I received and are not taken. Mr Gurdjieff used to say "either eat or be eaten". Being on the radio, music, work in my job, a woman… I am eaten, I disappear. Or, to a certain extent I am firm, because my attention is firm. My attention on my wish at something firm. I go towards perfecting my attention, calling more to my wish. Then I can begin to receive a little. I don't go and llegedly with the first solicitation. The situation is reversed for a few seconds – it is not long, but it is real, I have felt it. Then it is a question of finding my way back to a moment so that it also may be real. I open myself to some experiment, live a little in a different way. I try
I am to people. One part can receive, and understand this work – for the rest work has no meaning. I am much more strange than I can imagine. A human being is a cosmos I made a solar energies. I have the energy of the sun in some part. I have an incredible potentiality. But what I call my life does not mean that it all and it attracts my attention.
How to get a better this or that – how to get on with other people in a way that is not difficult – being all the time with this or that thing! I forget I am alive, and one day my life will be taken from me. What does that mean? I have no idea.
These problems are the ones I can begin with. Life comes inside and outside, from the sun. Pardon me could approach these things, catch something of them by moments, but then they are buried like so many other things and I go on my ordinary way of living. If I persist, I may get access to that other part of myself more often. Then I will have to recognise for myself that I'm really two sided and for that and that for a long time the two sides are antagonistic.
No comments:
Post a Comment